Does the term Bradying mean anything to you? If it means posing yourself sitting on the ground with your feet out in front of you and your head hung low with your hands clasped between your legs just like Tom Brady did when he lost his second Super Bowl then good for you because that is a hilarious term for a star quarterback who with the whole deflate gate business has disappointed me greatly. Shame on you Tom. But that is neither here nore there nor what I want to talk about. Besides I am a Washington fan anyway and don’t care about Brady in the slightest. Anyway bradying to me, since the birth of my children, has an entirely different meaning. And if you know the other meaning then you like me have had or currently have or know someone who has or has had a child in the NICU. Bradying is when the heart slows down and even stops beating and it is often followed by your child desating where your child’s blood oxygen levels drop and alarms go off. I remember so clearly watching my 2 pound and 3 pound girls fighting to stay in this world and me feeling absolutely powerless. So many doctors crowding around their isolettes casually throwing out words like brain hemmorage. For me and maybe for you too one of the hardest things was not being to hold them for sooo long. You could touch their hand with your finger but nothing more because you did not want to overstimulate them. Seeing their beautiful old man wrinkled up faces all I wanted to do was hold them to my breast and never let them go. But that would have to wait.
God I wish I could have written this post while my kids were in the NICU. I think it would have been very therapeutic for me. At this moment I am listening to Garth Brooks “Make you feel My love”. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do to make you feel my love my sweet sweet babies. That could not be more true. But back to you. I want you to know that I know it seems impossible but you have to hang in there and stay strong for your little one. And talk to people. TALK TALK TALK. Listen to something that will drownd out those NICU sounds. I spent most of the 47 days there with them working remotely (God Bless my job) and pumping while I was typing away shooting off emails to my boss or clients or whomever as I listened for the beeps and pops and clicks and whooshing of air sounds and of course the alarms that would go off every few minutes. I even remember being on my laptop and cellphone in the ambulance that transported my kids to another NICU. Yeah I guess that was a bit insane on my part.
Looking back I understand how valuable it was to have something to throw my energy into. I hope that if you are in a similar situation you too have something to put your focus on. Trust me it will help. And take pictures take videos and see them as often as you can!! I know some people don’t because they don’t want to remember it, but I DO. It reminds me of what miracles they both are and how they are Heaven sent. And remember you will never get that time back and above all YOUR CHILD NEEDS YOU. I know sometimes because you can’t touch them it seems like it doesn’t matter if you aren’t there, but believe me that is not true. They know. They can smell you and they can hear your voice. I read to them and sang to them almost every day. I sang alot of Christmas music actually In April. Call me crazy but Silent night just seemed so perfect. It’s about baby Jesus and I had babies so there yah go. Bottom line the NICU is not something to forget. Remember it. It is a part of your child’s life and yours on this incredible journey of parenting and it is one of the major reasons your child is alive today.